FAIRYtales, HEAUXtales, & TALLtales: Why Pursuing “The One” is Hurting You

Mar 1

Young Woman in her 20’s: Do you believe there is a such thing as “The One”?
Me: The one what? LOL!

I hate to be the one to break it to you but…there is no such thing as “The One”. LOL! Ok, ok…But seriously I don’t believe in very many absolutes and in my opinion the idea of “The One” is one of them.

So let me get this straight…of all the billions of people in the world there is only ONE person I’m compatible with? Hmmmm …sounds absolute AND limiting(😬). It’s absolutely limiting, if I’m being honest, and causes more harm than good.

Fairy tales. A “fairy tale” is defined by Oxford Language Dictionary as “a fabricated story, especially one intended to deceive” or “something resembling a fairy tale in being magical, idealized, or extremely happy.” Whoa…did you peep that?! Yet from the moment we are tiny little girls we are fed the idea of Prince Charming, that he is real and that our Prince Charming is waiting to rescue us. ( 🙄) Just stop it! Right now. Carrying that mentality through dating and relationships sets you and potential partners up for failure. It creates unreasonable expectations. Just imagine you have been searching for “Prince Charming” in a sea of fallible human beings( Psst. you are also a fallible human being) and when you don’t find him, you think something is wrong with you?! Unproductive.

Heaux tales. Our society loves to tie a woman’s worth to whether or not she has a man. Yet, women get “slut shamed” for dating or just being associated with more than one man. The hypocrisy. Thankfully, I am seeing a shift in that mentality among women. Women are taking more ownership of their sexuality, being more vocal about there wants and needs as it pertains to sex and relationship, and refusing to be “slut shamed”. Many are also divesting from the idea that the traditional route of marriage and family as being the only route to happiness. I love that for them. 👏🏿

Tall tales. This idea of there being ONE perfect person for you, while on it’s face appears encouraging, it actually isn’t. It perpetuates the scarcity myth. It perpetuates the idea that something is wrong with YOU if you haven’t met(and married) your ONE person. It’s a lie. The world is full of people who can add value to your life. There is abundance all around us. Moving through life with tunnel vision, fixated on a ideal that doesn’t exist, not only robs you of many experiences but it places a heavy burden on you and potential partners. Stop it. Right now, please. See the infinite possibilities that the world has to offer and approach dating and meeting people with an abundance mindset, regardless of whether you are dating “with intention” or dating for fun. It will serve you better in the long run.

-Chic-a, The Self-Love Advocate

🙇🏾‍♀️ So, tell me what do YOU think. Do you believe in “The One”? I want to hear from you.

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